I can't even count all of the times I have heard people talk about getting their tonsils out. It's really common. People do it all the time. I have never thought of it as a big deal.
But this week, my little Brookie is going in to get hers taken out and it's a completely different story.
My sweet little girl is going to a big hospital where she will be taken away from me into an operating room. She'll be put under general anesthesia and a surgeon is going to work on her. Sure, it's a common procedure and kids have it done all the time. Several of our friends have had it done. Several other kids will have it done that same day, actually. Many other children are dealing with much more serious surgeries and illnesses, I know that. But this is my baby girl and I am starting to get very apprehensive about Thursday.
There's a fine line we walk as parents between complete honesty and protecting them from the truth. I am walking that line this week. I guess I'm doing an OK job, because Brooke hasn't shown any signs of being nervous. She's actually excited about going to the children's hospital. She's counting down the days. She's been writing about it at school and telling her friends. She believes me when I tell her it'll all be fine, because it will.
Does it not matter that she will be in A LOT of pain before it's fine?
Of course she should not know that she will be completely miserably in pain for days after the surgery. I wouldn't even think of telling her that. She doesn't need to know that. Yet, I know it and it makes me so worried about her. I feel horrible that I am sending her in to have this pain inflicted upon her, knowingly. I avoided this for so long. I kept hoping the problems would just go away so we wouldn't have to cross this bridge. But here we are at the bridge and I have to hold my little girls hand and lead her across, even though it's hard.
It is so hard for me to fight the motherly instinct to protect her. I don't want anyone to do anything to hurt her. I don't want to have her in pain. All I have ever wanted was to take the pain away from my kids. I know it will be short lived. I know it will yield good results. I realize that we are being good parents for addressing her health issues and correcting them. I know all of these things and the rational adult in me will lead her calmly across the bridge and help her along the path as she recovers.
But inside of me, the sensitive, concerned, compassionate, mommy is having a tough time being OK with it. It may sound silly to some. She's just getting her tonsils out right? (tonsils and adenoids, actually.)
It's always so different when it's your own child and I'm pretty worried about mine this week, so send some good thoughts this direction and a prayer for Brookie on Thursday if you get a chance. It would mean a lot to her mom.
